Welcome, waddler.

The neohiro assistant lives behind a quiet triage gate. Three quick steps and we know enough to route you. No accounts, no telemetry, no email unless you want one.

⏱ ~ 90 seconds · 🔒 hashed identifiers only · 🩺 your answers are reviewed by a real human

What's your handle?

GitHub, Mastodon, LinkedIn — anything we can match publicly.

Verify you're real

Pick one. We never share your contact info.

Routed for triage

Your request is in the queue. The God Admin will review it within 24 hours. You'll be notified via your chosen channel.